With characters like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Deadpool making big money at the box office, it’s clear that people are crazy about super-heroes, and are starting to consider some of the more zany characters out there. Heck, one of the most popular films in Marvel’s Cinematic Universe featured a talking Raccoon and Tree, and they might not have even been the weirdest characters to show up in Guardians of the Galaxy. You may not have stayed around for the post-credit scene (but let’s face it, you probably did) where Howard the Duck made his triumphant return to the big screen and was joined by Cosmo; a telepathic dog who was sent into space by the Russians. Producers seem to be throwing anything in front of a camera these days and hoping it will stick.
So to celebrate the pure strangeness of these happenings, here are some weird comic heroes who may one day find themselves on the big screen… emphasis on ‘may’, because let’s be honest, they probably won’t.
1. Squirrel Girl
If Howard the Duck can feature in two films, then Squirrel Girl should definitely get a shot.
Squirrel Girl is the alias of Doreen Green, currently a university student and former nanny for Avengers Luke Cage and Jessica Jones. Debuting in the early nineties, Squirrel Girl has the conventional powers of enhanced strength, speed and agility, along with a squirrel tail and the power to talk to her namesake.
Originally created as a lighthearted character in the company of the gritty nineties anti-heroes, Squirrel Girl, despite starting to fight crime at the age of fourteen, has bested various costumed characters such as Wolverine, Doctor Doom and even Thanos.
If we go with the current comic run wherein Doreen attends university, filmmakers could have tons of fun with a comedy flick about an unbeatable girl trying to fit into society in spite her wacky appearance and rather strange tendencies.
2. Uncle Sam
No, you didn’t read that wrong. Quality Comics (a company whose characters were eventually purchased by DC) adapted Uncle Sam, from all those old war posters, into a superhero.
Created in 1940 in a similar style to Captain America, Uncle Sam was a spirit who would bond with dying patriots, and came out in the war to take names and punch Nazis.
After his purchase by DC, Uncle Sam came from an alternate reality, where he and his team, the Freedom Fighters, have been fighting in a second world war that has been stretched out over decades.
Is this really a plausible film? Well, last year I probably would have said no. But seeing as a lot of Americans are supporting Donald Trump in the presidential elections, and Captain America has appeared in six films in the last decade; what better time for Uncle Sam to make his cinematic debut and ‘make America great again’ in a First Avenger/Abraham Lincoln style crossover.
Like Captain America, he even had his own teen sidekick; Buddy.
3. Kid Eternity
Another kooky Quality Comics character, Kid Eternity was the alias of the then unnamed Kit Freeman, who was killed seventy five years before his time. Unwilling to let that stand, powers from above resurrected Kit, with the understanding that he would spend the next seventy five years fighting injustice.
To do this, Kit could summon the dead, historical figures, mythological beings and animals by saying the word ‘Eternity’. Sometimes, that even included fictional characters; here he is summoning Sherlock Holmes:
In more recent decades, Kit’s story was re-imagined with a darker tone. After briefly being retconned into being a part of the Shazam/Captain Marvel family, he was returned to his original power set and nameless identity. This time the people he summoned were actually demons in disguise and his death came while being held captive by a sexual predator on whose boat he was blown up by a U-Boat.
Whether taking a dark approach or a light one, think of it as a cross between the upcoming Shazam! film and the video-game SMITE.
Unfortunately, like SMITE, this property could face troubles before it begins if any religious groups aren’t okay with the depiction of their deities.
4. Legion of Super-Heroes
People are pretty divided over DC’s current take on super-hero films. While some praise Batman in almost all his incarnations, others rally against a Superman who is willing the snap the necks of his enemies.
A world like this perhaps has no place for the characters of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Hailing from the 31st century, the Legion of Super-Heroes are a group of predominantly teenage characters (and occasional time-travelers) who were inspired by modern-day heroes like Superman. While many of its characters aren’t that outlandish, there are one or two who would be hilarious to see on the big screen, namely Matter-Eater Lad and Splitter (formerly known as Arm-Fall-Off Boy).
Matter-Eater Lad is the nom de guerre of Tenzil Kem, an alien from the planet of Bismoll; a planet where all food became inedible, and as a means of survival, the Bismollians gained the ability to eat and metabolise matter in all forms. In laymen’s terms, Matter-Eater Lad’s power is to eat anything; wood, metal, energy. He chows down on it all.
Meanwhile, Splitter’s power is far simpler: Floyd Belkin hails from the planet Lallor, and whether it’s a genetic trait or just some freak accident, he has gained the ability to remove his arms and use them as clubs to beat people with. Because sometimes when you’re designing a super-hero, it’s important to go out of your way to make them uber weird and gross as hell.