So surely, by now, everyone has heard about Jeremy Clarkson’s latest antics, but if you don’t here is a brief summary; Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, has been suspended from the BBC due to a disagreement with a producer, allegedly there was a punch involved from Clarkson’s side. Further episodes of the current series of Top Gear have been withheld.

Clarkson has always been a controversial character, whether he is calling all lorry drivers murderers, or making fun of Mexicans, the nation has come to know him as that racist/sexist/misogynist old grandad who we ignore but have a soft spot for. But this time, for the BBC, he has taken it too far after, allegedly, punching a producer during an argument. So who could replace Clarkson now that he has been suspended? Well, here at Vulture Hound we have a few suggestions.


Alan Partridge


If you want someone as clueless to the 21st century thinking, as Clarkson is, then look no further than Partridge. Like Jeremy, he is a journalist, of sorts, well he presents a radio show. Although his car history is a bit, let’s say, God awful, I’m sure he’d get on swimmingly with James May as they could discuss their interesting choice in clothes, and cars.


Nick Clegg


Soon to, hopefully, have one thing in common Clarkson, after the next election, is ex-deputy minister… Sorry, I mean current.

If the BBC are wanting to play it safe, then they could hire Nick Clegg – all they have to do is borrow the stick that David Cameron shoved up his arse way back in 2010, be given a manual on controlling him, and then they’re on their way.


The Old Top Gear Presenter

Remember that guy? I can’t even find a photo of the poor old thing on the internet. If you didn’t know, for a few episodes of the all new Top Gear, James May wasn’t even a presenter. Instead they had a small, round man with black hair, and no one has heard from him since. If you’re reading this, get in touch, let us know you’re Ok.


Danny Dyer


Clarkson has a great Twitter page, but no one has a better Twitter page than Danny Dyer… Imagine the colourful way he would describe cars?

“Was gonna have a quick bath……I think I’d rather eat shit on toast…”

“Now I don’t mind house cats…but would u see a tiger acting bollocky and blanking ya coz you ain’t put out any tuna.”

“Remind me never to watch celebrity big brother again please. It’s like watching a snuff film…or….like…holding hands with Max Clifford.” – genuine Danny Dyer tweets


Jeremy Clarkson’s Mexican Cousin


They’ll never know.